I attribute this post to my late mother, the beautiful Sarah Margaret Smith Lesane. My mother passed away 22 years ago from complications of lung cancer.
As a teenager, I really didn’t know what was going on. I remember her being sick and in and out of the hospital but I don’t remember anyone explaining to me the severity of her illness. There were years of sickness and mis-diagnosis, which led her quality of life to go down hill. My mother complained of pain in her arm shooting down from the side of her neck. For months she was just treated for having a pinched nerve in her neck. By the time she was properly diagnosed, it was stage IV lung cancer.
After the diagnosis, my life with my mother was never the same. Often she was not doing well from the side effects of the chemotherapy treatments. Other times she was just in so much pain that she could barely stand it. She tried hard to make life normal for me, but the pain was too much. She wanted me to have a normal teenage life as much as possible but I spent a lot of time helping her. Years prior, she taught me how to cook, as she was the best cook ever known in my eyes! When she was not able to do that any longer, I assumed that role. I cooked, cleaned, and drove her as I could.
I remember the day that my mother succumbed to her illness, in the wee hours of the morning on Feb 19, 1997. Her only being 56 and me 16 years old. She was currently in the hospital and I had went to stay with my father that night before so I would not be at home alone. I remember waking up late that morning, wondering why my father didn’t wake me in time so that I wouldn’t be late for school. Once I got up, I remember my father saying “I didn’t wake you, because you are not going to school today”. I began to wonder what was going on. My father then said, “Your mother passed away last night”. I heard him say it but it didn’t click until later. I began to get dressed and straighten up the house and listen to my dad make phone call after phone call regarding my mother’s remains. Even though they had been separated for years, my dad maintained life insurance for her and handled her disposition. I felt very proud of him for that.
Later that day, I decided to return to the house that I shared with my mother. As soon as I walked in the door and made it to the second room, my emotions overcame. I broke down there in the middle of the floor as reality set in that my mom was no longer with me. I felt an increasing sense of loneliness, as I began to intensely miss the woman who was my world. My mother was the most extraordinary woman whom I knew. She had the biggest heart and would go to the heights for people. She was kind, gentle and giving, but DID NOT take any mess. She was an artist, could sing and was very skilled and talent in other areas. She enjoyed the simple life but was very classy and could turn nothing into something instantly! She was my SHERO. Until this day, I miss her and cry out for her. She was EVERYTHING to me and I am so glad to have called her Mom. A mother, wife, sister, friend, singer, artist, professional. Rest In Heaven my beautiful Mother. Sunrise: September 16, 1940 to Sunset: February 19, 1997.
