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Commandments of Emotional Health cont……

This was the first half of a very good message to protect and help our emotional health during COVID-19 as well as in other difficult times.

Commandments for Emotional Health

• 1. Show grace to ourselves and others
  • Give what is needed rather than deserved
  • James 4:6, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
• 2. Start and end each day refueling the soul
  • Just as our body needs to be fed in order to be healthy, so does our soul
  • Read the bible; if it can save our soul, it surely can refuel our soul
  • James 1:21, “Therefore get rid of moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
  • God’s Word should be the first and the last word of our day
• 3. Set and stick with a simple routine
  • Predictability is an important stress remover
  • Ephesians 5:15-16, “Be very careful, then, how you live -not unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
  • Routine develops resilience
  • Predictability creates stability
  • Structure creates steadiness
• 4. Stop watching so much news
  • If we fill our minds with constant negativity, its going to deplete our reserves and raise our stress level
  • Matthew 6:22-23, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”
  • What we see, is what we will become
• 5. Schedule a daily connection with the people we love
  • Refill our cups by re-connecting with who we love
  • Connect with a single or elderly person who is alone by calling, writing an email or mailing a card.

If we implement these principles, we will come out of this pandemic stronger, emotionally healthier, and spiritually more mature.

We don’t have to do it by ourselves, Jesus will be our savior if we let him

This is a great message of hope for those whose hearts are breaking during this pandemic……Be encouraged!

Healing Heartache/ Heart Attack series- Dr. Dharius Daniel, Change Church

There is an attack that goes beyond the physical

-What can we take when our hearts are hurting? What do we take for a heartache?

-We can have an ache in one area that adversely affects another area

• When our heart is aching, it will show up in our relationships, choices
•  Proverbs 4:23 says for us to guard our heart

Some people ignore it, anesthetize it, but we what we should do is address it. However, we must understand it first.

• The word for heart ache is grief
• Grief is deep sorrow that is felt as a response to loss
• Wherever there is loss, there is grief. Where there is grief there is a heart ache.
• Whenever you lose anything of value, your heart hurts
• Many don’t know when their heart is hurting

How is your heart?

• Things like grief go undetected
• John 11:35….say that “Jesus wept”

Grief is the price you pay for caring

• When you stop grieving, you stop caring

Weeping may endure for ta night, but joy comes in the morning

Are we ignoring what we should be addressing?

• When grief is not managed, it mutates into despair……we can’t lose hope

How do we stop grief from turning into despair?

3 things that David did in the middle of his loss, that we can do

1. He wept

• His weeping was him honestly expressing his emotions
• Your willingness to weep is a revelation of your view of God
• You don’t have to hide emotions from God
• God says bring the problem to Him and have no shame…..Psalm 103:13-14
• Until God deals with your heartache, He can’t help you
• He can’t deliver us if we are in denial
• If we feel it, He can heal it
  • Be honest with God, expose our emotions to a loving father who already knows

2. He washed

• A symbol of cleansing oneself before going into the presence of God
• When you are grieving, you will say, do, think things that you wouldn’t normally
  • Fear, anger, desire for revenge, etc….you have to wash off
  • After you weep, you must wash because you weren’t called or created for it
  • This is the day for it to “Get Off”
  • Your heart becomes hard- wash
  • Your attitude becomes cold- wash
  • We become cynical, and don’t trust people- wash
  • The devil wants to use things to hurt us so bad, so that we won’t help the thief
  • What is on us, that we need to get off?

3. He worshiped

• He went to the house of God and worshiped
  • He couldn’t be mad at the only one who couldn’t fix what’s broke
• We can’t get made that something died and wasn’t spared, when we didn’t deserve it in the first place
• Celebrate that God let you have it to begin with
  • Remember that He has been better to us, than we have been to ourselves 
  • The same God, who gave it to me, will give me another   
• Worship until tears of sadness, turn into joy, weakness turns into strength, until we get our spiritual swag back       

The area that the devil attacks the worse, God will use you the most

David consoled Bathsheba

• There is a Bathsheba that we should be helping/consoling during this difficult time

Some men just don’t know….

That every woman is not the same.

That there are women who truly do care and will love them unconditionally.

That exposing their truth, flaws and all, and showing vulnerability is REALLY attractive.

That they don’t have to play the game of “hurting the woman before she hurts them” because not all women are there to hurt them.

That they don’t have to hide their feelings and play it safe.

That its okay to be afraid of being hurt, but the way to get around that is to take the risk again.

That most women want the freedom to be who they are all while they are loving them.

That not every woman will break their heart.

That being ready does not mean being perfect and having everything in order.

That when women have boundaries set, it is not rejection.

That they don’t have to be afraid to share their true emotions.

That a forehead kiss, is the most romantic kiss ever.

As I lay awake at night just thinking of the future and what lies ahead of me
Not knowing what your great plan will be
But trusting in you because your the one with the key
So I know that everything will turn out how you want it to be
If only I could get a glimpse of what it will be like
But I can’t so I will continue to have faith and live Christlike Yes, I fall short almost every time but you still think I’m worthy
So I want to thank you for showing me your grace and mercy
You didn’t have to but you did So I will continue to give you all the glory
Because you deserve it
You died on the cross for everyone’s sins so that we might live again So how dare we complain
How dare we think it’s not fair
Not understanding this is all apart of your plan
From the beginning to the end -Adreanna P

Why do we carry so many bags?

I think back to the song “Bag Lady” by the talented Erykah Badu and relate it to realistic situations. For myself, I often feel like a bag lady. I find myself carrying so many bags that I often “miss my bus”. Bags can be a representation for many aspects of our life……mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial.

Mentally, we do carry many bags. In this day in time, our minds are so bogged down with unnecessary foolery. We are worrying about this and that in additional to other people’s this and that. And all of the this and that is on top of our normal day-to-day responsibilities. We have our careers. Then we have our families. Then our livelihoods. What happens is that we begin to accumulate more bags when we focus on things that should have no place or space in our lives. We waste mental energy and capacity on the foolery, the pettiness, the drama, other people’s problems and so on……

Emotional baggage is the same. We carry along emotions and feelings that are no good to us such as anger, sadness, hopelessness, bitterness, hate, strife, etc. Those types of feelings are toxic and only weigh us down. Think about how much lighter we would feel if we chose to eliminate the negativity from our lives and most importantly, our hearts. Then there is financial baggage that carries that same weight. What if we chose to stop accumulating debt in effort to compete with someone else? What if we stopped trying to “live like the Joneses” and live like ourselves? Hence, living within our means. Embrace the term “thrifting”. Make the very best out of what we have been blessed with. Then the term “financial baggage” will have a completely different meaning.

What about the spiritual baggage, chile! This is especially so when it’s tied to religion. The rituals and the traditions of religion take away from us having a deep and profound relationship with our Father. If we focus more on that relationship with Him, then we will realize that it’s not about religion at all. God is more concerned with our hearts and our prayer life than religious rituals that we all so often get caught up in.

Physical baggage can be a representation of each of the four aspects that I mentioned above. Think of the saying…. “the way you keep your car, is the way you keep your house”. Or your house is a representation of how things are in your life. I believe this to be true in many situations. With physical baggage, it is often indicative to what’s going with us mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I take myself for instance….when I’m stressed, I physically drag so many bags with me from place to place. When I go to work and especially when I travel, there are so many bags. Oftentimes the items in these bags are useless. But yet, I waste so much of my time and energy packing and dragging them around with me. Not only do those bags feel heavy on my back and arms, but the baggage is heavy on my mind and heart as well. I feel restricted and no longer free. My peace is compromised. And I then have the answer to why I’m exhausted and drained when I get to me destination. Can you relate? The next time you are in an airport and are people watching, pay attention to how people with little to no bags seem less irritated, less stressed and more peaceful and happy…..there’s definitely some truth to it!

I write this to encourage us all to stop being the “bag lady”. Let’s downsize, purge, eliminate and get rid of all of things unnecessary that we carry around. Let’s all take some time to self-reflect, identify, make changes and do things better in our lives. Our arms, hearts and minds need a break! If it’s not a factor or doesn’t add to our life, get rid of it! If it does not give any purpose, drop it. If it doesn’t feed us positively, block it. If it’s not our problem, lets not make it ours. If it’s not God’s will and doesn’t fall into alignment with His will for our life…..let it go!  Praying for you to BE GREAT and live the very best version of YOU…

Most who know me know that I have more of an “introvert personality”…..okay I’m an introvert! Recently, I had a conversation with a friend (another introvert) about our lives as introverts. We shared how often times, after a workday as public professionals, we are EXHAUSTED. Not because of physical demanding tasks, but because of using so much of our energy displaying extrovert characteristics.  We both have to pull out our extrovert-ness (if that’s a word) to fulfill our positions. Our days are mostly filled with instructing students, assisting customers or staff meetings.  There may even be times spent conducting presentations…..nevertheless we have learned that it takes a lot out of us! As introverts, we have to work extra hard to actively participate in our day-to-day situations. Thus, when our day is over…..we are pooped and just ready to go home and retreat.

Many will not understand it unless they are one too. Once there was a lady, high among the enlisted ranks, express that being in such a highly visible position was so rewarding yet so exhausting for her. After hearing her say that, I thought to myself, I get it! I could relate 100%. It was relief in knowing that I wasn’t alone.

Some may call it being anti –social, stuck-up, mean, quiet, not approachable……..nope, it’s none of that. It’s just simply being an introvert! To say all of this, doesn’t mean that I don’t like being around people but to perhaps give you a better understanding of me and so many others. Don’t expect for us to ever be the “life of any party”. A fun event to me may be simply enjoying a book or dinner for one or curling up on the couch to watch a great Hallmark movie! The freedom in it all, is being okay with being who I am. I encourage you all to be who you are and not allow people’s opinion to affect you! Be the best version of YOU!

I received a visit from a young lady one day in my office. In effort to help her with a computer issue that she was having with school work, I allowed her to sit down at my desk so that I could see the actual problem that she was experiencing with her online class. Once we realized the problem and got that squared away, she began to basically pour out her life to me. She began to tell me many things about herself, including how she met and married a guy in the time frame of three weeks.

She told me how she was first introduced to this guy online and they met in the local area. At the time of them meeting, she had a $500 electricity bill that he was willing to pay for her. In addition to that, he purchased her a car the following week. Because of which, she was completely “head over heels” with this guy, because no one else had ever done anything like that for her before. She proceeded to portray sadness of them no longer being together because he became very controlling and jealous of her even when it came to her children. Not to mention all of the other crazy things that he had done to her, including now being involved with one of her friends. She continued to tell me how she that put up with him even though there was times when she would wake up in the wee hours of the morning to catch him on the phone with “T-mobile”, to get an extension on their bill. Two days later their cell phones were turned off.

In the midst of having this “out of the blue” conversation with this young lady, my heart began to weep for her. She was a classic example of what it means to be LOST. But as odd as it seems, I could relate. As she continued to talk, I began to think about my years of being LOST. I remember days of being so insecure, that I needed a man to validate me. I remember the times when finding a man was the only thing I was concerned with. Everything I did, from the way I dressed to where I hung out had to do with a man. I mean the STRUGGLE was real…………

Before this individual left my office, I began to pour into her. I felt that it was my duty to help this young lady and to ensure that she left my office with a little more knowledge, faith and self-respect than she came in with.  I helped her see that she needs to first focus on herself and her children and a man will come. Let the man find her! I also encouraged her that if having a man was that important to her, then she should pray and ask God to send her a good man for her and her children. She says that she did and he keeps sending her these types of men. My response was, “really?”, “you think that’s God?” “that ain’t God, that’s you?” “God is giving you grace when you get yourself into these situations and the help to get out.”  

My prayer is for young women across the world whom are LOST like this young lady, to know God and to know that when it becomes to them being mistreated, belittled and disrespected by a man or anyone, that ain’t God! Even though they have prayed and asked God to send them someone, doesn’t mean that the next guy that whistles at them in the parking lot is sent by Him. I pray that we know that God wants us to be happy and whole and wants the absolute best for us. He wants us to have fulfilled, blessed, and prosperous lives. It’s only by His grace that we are able to get out of the messy situations that we put ourselves in. I encourage women all over, to find themselves through God, then allows a man to find them…

I attribute this post to my late mother, the beautiful Sarah Margaret Smith Lesane. My mother passed away 22 years ago from complications of lung cancer.

As a teenager, I really didn’t know what was going on. I remember her being sick and in and out of the hospital but I don’t remember anyone explaining to me the severity of her illness. There were years of sickness and mis-diagnosis, which led her quality of life to go down hill. My mother complained of pain in her arm shooting down from the side of her neck. For months she was just treated for having a pinched nerve in her neck. By the time she was properly diagnosed, it was stage IV lung cancer.

After the diagnosis, my life with my mother was never the same. Often she was not doing well from the side effects of the chemotherapy treatments. Other times she was just in so much pain that she could barely stand it. She tried hard to make life normal for me, but the pain was too much. She wanted me to have a normal teenage life as much as possible but I spent a lot of time helping her. Years prior, she taught me how to cook, as she was the best cook ever known in my eyes! When she was not able to do that any longer, I assumed that role. I cooked, cleaned, and drove her as I could.

I remember the day that my mother succumbed to her illness, in the wee hours of the morning on Feb 19, 1997. Her only being 56 and me 16 years old. She was currently in the hospital and I had went to stay with my father that night before so I would not be at home alone. I remember waking up late that morning, wondering why my father didn’t wake me in time so that I wouldn’t be late for school. Once I got up, I remember my father saying “I didn’t wake you, because you are not going to school today”. I began to wonder what was going on. My father then said, “Your mother passed away last night”. I heard him say it but it didn’t click until later. I began to get dressed and straighten up the house and listen to my dad make phone call after phone call regarding my mother’s remains. Even though they had been separated for years, my dad maintained life insurance for her and handled her disposition. I felt very proud of him for that.

Later that day, I decided to return to the house that I shared with my mother. As soon as I walked in the door and made it to the second room, my emotions overcame. I broke down there in the middle of the floor as reality set in that my mom was no longer with me. I felt an increasing sense of loneliness, as I began to intensely miss the woman who was my world. My mother was the most extraordinary woman whom I knew. She had the biggest heart and would go to the heights for people. She was kind, gentle and giving, but DID NOT take any mess. She was an artist, could sing and was very skilled and talent in other areas. She enjoyed the simple life but was very classy and could turn nothing into something instantly! She was my SHERO. Until this day, I miss her and cry out for her. She was EVERYTHING to me and I am so glad to have called her Mom. A mother, wife, sister, friend, singer, artist, professional. Rest In Heaven my beautiful Mother. Sunrise: September 16, 1940 to Sunset: February 19, 1997.