It Is 4 Me

Real love……….

It challenges and stretches us and makes us better.

It protects and never judges.

It is kind and patient.

It kisses our flaws and scars and even our ashy feet.

It springs us into forward motion to become better.

It houses forgiveness and loses count of wrongs.

It drives us into uncharted territories, ready to explore the world.

It meets us at our lowest point, to lifts us back up.

It makes everything else seem right.

It sees our ugliest and darkest moments and pulls us through.

It teaches us hard lessons and to risk again.

It shares and holds our deepest secrets.

It causes us to laugh uncontrollably at the smallest things.

It walks five miles in the scorching sun.

It selflessly serves God and others.

It is indescribable and irreplaceable.

It makes things right.

It never fails or ends.

It is what we all strive and search for.

The latter part of 2018 and the majority of 2019, I went through some situations which left me feeling betrayed, hurt, lost and disappointed to my core. Daily, I was on my face crying out to God, wanting Him to take the pain away and make it all better. I just wanted peace!

One day, I heard Him say to me, “only until you surrender and submit it all to me, will you have peace.” For so long, I had only surrendered certain parts of me to Him and tried to control of the other parts. But He revealed that wasn’t good enough and began to show me what surrendering and submitting to Him looked like. He wanted it all!

I then went through a process of giving it all to Him. Surrendering everything and totally submitting to His Will for my life. Every hurt, ache, pain, issue, circumstance and situation; every person who betrayed, used and abused me; my finances, my career, my children, my heart, and my relationships; every part of my life, I surrendered.  Only then, did I begin to truly experience His peace!

The beauty of knowing that God is in control of your life, is the fact that whatever happens, is part of His Will and what doesn’t, is not. What He has for us, is for us and what isn’t, is not. Learning, understanding and embracing those simple statements became very freeing to. That tremendous weight has been lifted off of me. I now have peace!

His word in Philippians 4:8-9, says that we should focus on whatever is true, noble, pure, right, lovely, and admirable. Those things that are excellent and that we have learned, received, heard and seen from Him, we should put into practice, and the peace of God will be with us. I look at how He has blessed me over and over again; His constant safety and protection over me and my family; the second chances that He has given me; His amazing grace; Him granting me favor in so many situations; I know that He is faithful and that His promises still stand and that He will never leave us. I know that God is in control! 

Dear Me,

I forgive you! Thank you for overcoming everything that you have been through throughout your life and here most recently.

There were a couple of things that 2019 brought that caused you not to know which way your life was going. It was truly an emotional roller coaster. Instances of betrayal, hurt, heart-break, loss, and confusion that rocked your core. Some instances could have been prevented; others were the inevitable. Good and bad times, sad and happy times, alone and dark times, while some sunny and bright. Through it all, you made it. I am so proud of you! Thank you for handling things with class and bowing out at times with grace. Through your surrendering, God pulled you through. He forgives you and I do to!

You made poor decisions. You compared yourself to others. You refused to believe your worth. You lost confidence. You lacked faith at times and took matters into your own hands. You idolized other people and things. You sinned and fell short. You lied to yourself and made excuses. You got caught up and let your emotions get the best of you. Though most you are not proud of, it’s now a part of your truth.

Now that you know better, you will do better. Now that things have gone very wrong, you will make them right. Now that you have loved and lost, you will love again. Now that you have been to the bottom, you will rise to the top. Now that you have seen your worst days, better days are here to stay. Now that you have been “there”, you have overcome. Now that you have been healed and made whole, life and love bring new meaning.

Tiffany, you are truly amazing! And regardless if anyone ever tells you how amazing you are, God already has. Your confidence and validation come from Him and no one else! You are who you are and who God has created. Yes, you are different from others. No matter who ridicules you or makes fun or even uses it against you, God has made you unique. Know it and Embrace it!

There will be people who will never understand or even accept you. They will never value or respect you. But that’s okay because God’s word says, love them anyway. However, always establish boundaries that keep people from stealing, killing, and destroying your peace and joy and distracting you from your purpose.

Refer to God’s word as you love others. Let Him be your vindicator. Seek Him first in all things. Be in a surrendered and submitted posture to His Will. Your life will continue to be blessed and fulfilled. Your boys will be blessed and grow and mature into great men of God. You will be favored in all circumstances.  Your purpose will make people’s lives better. Your light will shine bright. You will win and Christ will prevail!

Get ready for all that God has planned for your life. Remember to count the good and the bad, all joy! He has called you to a specific purpose and you will be used in a mighty way. Share your story to help others. Show them that they too, can win despite life’s unfortunate circumstances. Live in faith and not in fear!

Not another person will use, abuse, or take advantage of you. You will be bold enough to allow “no” to be a complete sentence. Embrace your worth and know that you are good enough, you don’t have to prove it to anyone. People will already see how special and great you are. Stay true to that and to who He has made you.

Love yourself unconditional, kissing every flaw and scar that you have. Know that comparison robs you of your peace and joy, so don’t do it! Do what you feel to enhance your beauty and become a better you, but check your motives. Never make any life altering decision or change to your body to please others. Remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH! Stay in a surrendered and submitted posture. Seek Him first. Love and help others. Have faith. Trust the process. Know that what God has for you, it is for you!

Be beautiful. Be graceful. Be bold. Be classy. Be a lady. Be courageous. Be patient. Be kind. Be careful. Be strong…..Be You! You are an amazing woman of God, with many wonderful qualities and characteristics. You have done your very best by others, even in the worst of circumstances. Now it’s your turn and God has the unthinkable in store. Be ready! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

Blessings,

Me

One morning, I chose to do cardio using my favorite machine, the stair climber. I have found that the stair climber provides great results for glutes and legs. So upon starting my workout, I selected the interval training program. I then started my worship music and began stepping.

As I looked at the pattern for my workout, I noticed that there would be some very easy points in my workout. During those times, I would have to give very little effort. Then, I also noticed some very hard and intense moments in the pattern as well. I knew that at those points, I would have to focus more and give a great deal of effort. Then it would go back to easy and then back to high intensity again. Changes in the intensity, exercises the heart muscle and improves our aerobic capacity. This ultimately leads to us being able to exercise longer and at more intense levels in the future.  

About halfway through my workout, I began to think about how interval training can be related to the life we live. Things may be going well and easy for us, then all of a sudden we are hit with a tests and trials. This causes things to get tough and the intensity to increase in our lives. During those times, we have to give a little more and push harder throughout our circumstances. But we keep our faith and remain steadfast as God sees us through. When we make it through to the other side, during our periods of rest and low intensity, we realize that we are better, stronger, and wiser because of what we went through prior. The trials and tribulations that we experience and go through, exercises our “heart muscle” and gives us the strength capacity that prepares us for the next set of tests and trials.

I encourage you all to look at life as if you are interval training. There will be some periods and chapters of our life that will easy and quiet all while things are going well. But other times will be heavy, difficult, and tough. Think about what we are supposed to be learning and gaining from those difficult times. Think about building our “heart muscle.”Remember that its there to teach us something. What doesn’t kill us, only makes us stronger, better, wiser and more prepared for what is to come!!!

As I lay awake at night just thinking of the future and what lies ahead of me
Not knowing what your great plan will be
But trusting in you because your the one with the key
So I know that everything will turn out how you want it to be
If only I could get a glimpse of what it will be like
But I can’t so I will continue to have faith and live Christlike Yes, I fall short almost every time but you still think I’m worthy
So I want to thank you for showing me your grace and mercy
You didn’t have to but you did So I will continue to give you all the glory
Because you deserve it
You died on the cross for everyone’s sins so that we might live again So how dare we complain
How dare we think it’s not fair
Not understanding this is all apart of your plan
From the beginning to the end -Adreanna P

Why do we carry so many bags?

I think back to the song “Bag Lady” by the talented Erykah Badu and relate it to realistic situations. For myself, I often feel like a bag lady. I find myself carrying so many bags that I often “miss my bus”. Bags can be a representation for many aspects of our life……mental, physical, spiritual, emotional and financial.

Mentally, we do carry many bags. In this day in time, our minds are so bogged down with unnecessary foolery. We are worrying about this and that in additional to other people’s this and that. And all of the this and that is on top of our normal day-to-day responsibilities. We have our careers. Then we have our families. Then our livelihoods. What happens is that we begin to accumulate more bags when we focus on things that should have no place or space in our lives. We waste mental energy and capacity on the foolery, the pettiness, the drama, other people’s problems and so on……

Emotional baggage is the same. We carry along emotions and feelings that are no good to us such as anger, sadness, hopelessness, bitterness, hate, strife, etc. Those types of feelings are toxic and only weigh us down. Think about how much lighter we would feel if we chose to eliminate the negativity from our lives and most importantly, our hearts. Then there is financial baggage that carries that same weight. What if we chose to stop accumulating debt in effort to compete with someone else? What if we stopped trying to “live like the Joneses” and live like ourselves? Hence, living within our means. Embrace the term “thrifting”. Make the very best out of what we have been blessed with. Then the term “financial baggage” will have a completely different meaning.

What about the spiritual baggage, chile! This is especially so when it’s tied to religion. The rituals and the traditions of religion take away from us having a deep and profound relationship with our Father. If we focus more on that relationship with Him, then we will realize that it’s not about religion at all. God is more concerned with our hearts and our prayer life than religious rituals that we all so often get caught up in.

Physical baggage can be a representation of each of the four aspects that I mentioned above. Think of the saying…. “the way you keep your car, is the way you keep your house”. Or your house is a representation of how things are in your life. I believe this to be true in many situations. With physical baggage, it is often indicative to what’s going with us mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I take myself for instance….when I’m stressed, I physically drag so many bags with me from place to place. When I go to work and especially when I travel, there are so many bags. Oftentimes the items in these bags are useless. But yet, I waste so much of my time and energy packing and dragging them around with me. Not only do those bags feel heavy on my back and arms, but the baggage is heavy on my mind and heart as well. I feel restricted and no longer free. My peace is compromised. And I then have the answer to why I’m exhausted and drained when I get to me destination. Can you relate? The next time you are in an airport and are people watching, pay attention to how people with little to no bags seem less irritated, less stressed and more peaceful and happy…..there’s definitely some truth to it!

I write this to encourage us all to stop being the “bag lady”. Let’s downsize, purge, eliminate and get rid of all of things unnecessary that we carry around. Let’s all take some time to self-reflect, identify, make changes and do things better in our lives. Our arms, hearts and minds need a break! If it’s not a factor or doesn’t add to our life, get rid of it! If it does not give any purpose, drop it. If it doesn’t feed us positively, block it. If it’s not our problem, lets not make it ours. If it’s not God’s will and doesn’t fall into alignment with His will for our life…..let it go!  Praying for you to BE GREAT and live the very best version of YOU…

Mouse Problems…….How God used a mouse to speak to me

One morning I was doing my usual in the bathroom, getting ready for work. All of a sudden, I saw a mouse crawling out of my closet. Eeek!!!!!! I screamed and ran all the way down the stairs to the kitchen. I looked back and, could see the mouse crawling down the stairs too. Eeek!!!! Eeek!!!!! I screamed again and jumped on top of a stool at the table. Thinking to myself…..there is a freaking mouse in my HOUSE!!!!!!!

I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out what I was going to do. There was no way that I was going to be roommates with a mouse. I then managed to pull myself together enough to finish getting dressed for work and left quickly! Not knowing where the mouse had gone, I was horrified as every little odd movement or sound caused me to be startled. I was shook and creeped out because of this little mouse. I had mouse problems!

That whole day at work, I was disheveled.  In between meetings, appointments and assisting students, I was researching and contacting exterminators. I must have called 20 different exterminators and NONE had availability that day. I thought, “What am I going to do?” I needed this mouse problem solved NOW! By the end of the day, I had no other choice but to secure an exterminator for the following morning. So next on my agenda was figuring out where I was going to spend the night. I thought about a hotel, then the costs associated with it deterred me.  I thought about staying at a friend’s house, then I decided I really didn’t want to do that either. So, very hesitantly, I decided to return home to the mouse.

On the drive home, I thought about my day and how it had been completely wrecked because of a mouse. I knew that I needed to get a hold of myself and calm down. I mean really, it was just a little mouse. I pulled up to my house and sat there for about 30 mins. Then reluctantly opened the garage, as if the mouse would be there to greet me. I then sat in the garage for another 30 mins. Trying to muster up enough courage to face the mouse head on inside my house. This led to another hour of my day destroyed because of a little furry creature called a mouse. Finally, to my relief, my son came and attempted to find the mouse.  He searched and searched in every room, under every bed and couch, and in every closet and cabinet. But there was NO mouse.  Two hours later…..I forced myself back into my house and began my nightly routine.  I knew that I could NO LONGER let a little mouse control me or my day or consume any more of my time. I had to pull it together and get things back on track, immediately! And that’s what I did! The mouse was never seen again.

I couldn’t help but to look at my experience with this mouse from a spiritual standpoint. Was this a test? And if so, did I pass? How many times have we encountered little things in our life, equivalent to a mouse, and it completely wrecked us? Distracted us from our routine? Destroyed our peace? Threw us off course? Interrupted our time with Jesus? Caused us our faith? Stressed us out and caused us to breach our character? Basically, wreaked havoc in our lives.  Perhaps it was a test for us then? Sometimes we get so worked about the smallest things in life. Even the little foxes, spoil the vine! We allow these forces of the enemy (even the little ones) to come in and still, kill, destroy, and distract us. We lose focus and our trust in God.

Know that God uses things as small as a mouse to get our attention. Sometimes he uses the small issues to get us to compare them to the large ones…..still our trust in Him should be the same. I want to encourage you to protect your peace and trust God! Know that if you keep Him as the center of your focus, everything else will be worked out. God wants us to carry our burdens to Him and leave them there and trust that He will supply our needs….

Most who know me know that I have more of an “introvert personality”…..okay I’m an introvert! Recently, I had a conversation with a friend (another introvert) about our lives as introverts. We shared how often times, after a workday as public professionals, we are EXHAUSTED. Not because of physical demanding tasks, but because of using so much of our energy displaying extrovert characteristics.  We both have to pull out our extrovert-ness (if that’s a word) to fulfill our positions. Our days are mostly filled with instructing students, assisting customers or staff meetings.  There may even be times spent conducting presentations…..nevertheless we have learned that it takes a lot out of us! As introverts, we have to work extra hard to actively participate in our day-to-day situations. Thus, when our day is over…..we are pooped and just ready to go home and retreat.

Many will not understand it unless they are one too. Once there was a lady, high among the enlisted ranks, express that being in such a highly visible position was so rewarding yet so exhausting for her. After hearing her say that, I thought to myself, I get it! I could relate 100%. It was relief in knowing that I wasn’t alone.

Some may call it being anti –social, stuck-up, mean, quiet, not approachable……..nope, it’s none of that. It’s just simply being an introvert! To say all of this, doesn’t mean that I don’t like being around people but to perhaps give you a better understanding of me and so many others. Don’t expect for us to ever be the “life of any party”. A fun event to me may be simply enjoying a book or dinner for one or curling up on the couch to watch a great Hallmark movie! The freedom in it all, is being okay with being who I am. I encourage you all to be who you are and not allow people’s opinion to affect you! Be the best version of YOU!

I received a visit from a young lady one day in my office. In effort to help her with a computer issue that she was having with school work, I allowed her to sit down at my desk so that I could see the actual problem that she was experiencing with her online class. Once we realized the problem and got that squared away, she began to basically pour out her life to me. She began to tell me many things about herself, including how she met and married a guy in the time frame of three weeks.

She told me how she was first introduced to this guy online and they met in the local area. At the time of them meeting, she had a $500 electricity bill that he was willing to pay for her. In addition to that, he purchased her a car the following week. Because of which, she was completely “head over heels” with this guy, because no one else had ever done anything like that for her before. She proceeded to portray sadness of them no longer being together because he became very controlling and jealous of her even when it came to her children. Not to mention all of the other crazy things that he had done to her, including now being involved with one of her friends. She continued to tell me how she that put up with him even though there was times when she would wake up in the wee hours of the morning to catch him on the phone with “T-mobile”, to get an extension on their bill. Two days later their cell phones were turned off.

In the midst of having this “out of the blue” conversation with this young lady, my heart began to weep for her. She was a classic example of what it means to be LOST. But as odd as it seems, I could relate. As she continued to talk, I began to think about my years of being LOST. I remember days of being so insecure, that I needed a man to validate me. I remember the times when finding a man was the only thing I was concerned with. Everything I did, from the way I dressed to where I hung out had to do with a man. I mean the STRUGGLE was real…………

Before this individual left my office, I began to pour into her. I felt that it was my duty to help this young lady and to ensure that she left my office with a little more knowledge, faith and self-respect than she came in with.  I helped her see that she needs to first focus on herself and her children and a man will come. Let the man find her! I also encouraged her that if having a man was that important to her, then she should pray and ask God to send her a good man for her and her children. She says that she did and he keeps sending her these types of men. My response was, “really?”, “you think that’s God?” “that ain’t God, that’s you?” “God is giving you grace when you get yourself into these situations and the help to get out.”  

My prayer is for young women across the world whom are LOST like this young lady, to know God and to know that when it becomes to them being mistreated, belittled and disrespected by a man or anyone, that ain’t God! Even though they have prayed and asked God to send them someone, doesn’t mean that the next guy that whistles at them in the parking lot is sent by Him. I pray that we know that God wants us to be happy and whole and wants the absolute best for us. He wants us to have fulfilled, blessed, and prosperous lives. It’s only by His grace that we are able to get out of the messy situations that we put ourselves in. I encourage women all over, to find themselves through God, then allows a man to find them…

I attribute this post to my late mother, the beautiful Sarah Margaret Smith Lesane. My mother passed away 22 years ago from complications of lung cancer.

As a teenager, I really didn’t know what was going on. I remember her being sick and in and out of the hospital but I don’t remember anyone explaining to me the severity of her illness. There were years of sickness and mis-diagnosis, which led her quality of life to go down hill. My mother complained of pain in her arm shooting down from the side of her neck. For months she was just treated for having a pinched nerve in her neck. By the time she was properly diagnosed, it was stage IV lung cancer.

After the diagnosis, my life with my mother was never the same. Often she was not doing well from the side effects of the chemotherapy treatments. Other times she was just in so much pain that she could barely stand it. She tried hard to make life normal for me, but the pain was too much. She wanted me to have a normal teenage life as much as possible but I spent a lot of time helping her. Years prior, she taught me how to cook, as she was the best cook ever known in my eyes! When she was not able to do that any longer, I assumed that role. I cooked, cleaned, and drove her as I could.

I remember the day that my mother succumbed to her illness, in the wee hours of the morning on Feb 19, 1997. Her only being 56 and me 16 years old. She was currently in the hospital and I had went to stay with my father that night before so I would not be at home alone. I remember waking up late that morning, wondering why my father didn’t wake me in time so that I wouldn’t be late for school. Once I got up, I remember my father saying “I didn’t wake you, because you are not going to school today”. I began to wonder what was going on. My father then said, “Your mother passed away last night”. I heard him say it but it didn’t click until later. I began to get dressed and straighten up the house and listen to my dad make phone call after phone call regarding my mother’s remains. Even though they had been separated for years, my dad maintained life insurance for her and handled her disposition. I felt very proud of him for that.

Later that day, I decided to return to the house that I shared with my mother. As soon as I walked in the door and made it to the second room, my emotions overcame. I broke down there in the middle of the floor as reality set in that my mom was no longer with me. I felt an increasing sense of loneliness, as I began to intensely miss the woman who was my world. My mother was the most extraordinary woman whom I knew. She had the biggest heart and would go to the heights for people. She was kind, gentle and giving, but DID NOT take any mess. She was an artist, could sing and was very skilled and talent in other areas. She enjoyed the simple life but was very classy and could turn nothing into something instantly! She was my SHERO. Until this day, I miss her and cry out for her. She was EVERYTHING to me and I am so glad to have called her Mom. A mother, wife, sister, friend, singer, artist, professional. Rest In Heaven my beautiful Mother. Sunrise: September 16, 1940 to Sunset: February 19, 1997.